hurts like HELL!

Damn! It just hurts like HELL! I just wished i didnt ride the same elevator where they at kanina. Sana nagkunwari nalang akong may nakalimutan at nagpaiwan nalang. Ang hirap magpanggap. Ang hirap ngumiti. Ang hirap makipag-usap na parang wala lang.
Naman! ang saket kaya nun! Ipakilala ba naman ako sa girlfriend?
Putek talaga! Saksakin niya nalang kaya ako?

Parang naririnig ko nga si Taylor Swift na
kumakanta ng 'Teardrops on my guitar' sa background eh.

I have nothing against him or the girl. Eh masaya sila eh, may magagawa pa ba ako? Pero naman..hindi ba pwedeng hindi ko na lang sila makita? kase naman, tuwing magkikita kame, pakiramdam ko palagi..LOSER yung dating ko.

Hindi ko na nga naubos yung breakfast ko kanina kase nasa pantry din sila. I have to rushed my meal just to avoid them. Ayoko naman ng kaaway eh. Wala naman akong galit sa girl, after all...hindi naman kame magkakilala personally (although, magkakilala na kame kanina...)

Ayoko na lang ng pain. I'm hurting enough..ayoko nang dagdagan pa. It hurts to know that they are together. It's painful to realize that we CAN NOT be together...Triple pa yung sakit kapag nakikita ko silang masaya. Yun lang yun.

Gusto ko lang mag-move on. Gusto ko lang maging masaya.And if moving on would mean not seeing him again..then so be it.

bright sky

I've been walking on this lonely trail for so long...
and I'm growing tired of waiting for someone to come along
I was told that somewhere I could see my sunshine
But I've been here forever and not even a single light passed by

I am not complaining..
I am just hurting...

Hoping and wishing that someday, I'll find that joy inside
and still can continue walking...
and on with my journey of searching and looking for a bright sky...r and not even a single light passes by

I am not complaining..
I am just hurting...

Hoping and wishing that someday, I'll find that joy inside
and still can continue walking...
and on with my journey of searching and looking for a bright sky...

story of my heart

He didn't broke my heart. He didn't even attempt to have it.
It was my fault. I was too careless. I left it somewhere.
Somewhere he could see, where he could easily touch, leave and then take for granted.
I am not blaming him.
In fact, I thank him for that.
He's such a good soul that he didn't take it elsewhere and just leave it there.
He took a good look at it but decided to return it back since he's not that interested.

But, silly me! I still want him to test it and try it...
And so that's what happened.
My heart was tested, tried...a bit used and then left broken.

Story of my heart..ladies and gentlemen...

pinakaastig na tugtugan!

Nothing can beat what they just did today. They did a great job! it was indeed the best and most historical concert I've ever seen in my entire life. And I could say that every minute was worth it. The line-up, the songs...everything! Eraserheads is definitely an icon. And they proved it further when, again, for the final time, they brought the concert grounds down and went beyond that.

I especially liked the part when they were singing 'Huling El Bimbo' during the fireworks display and bid goodbye afterwards. Almost everyone was on their way to the exits when Ely spoke on the mic and asks: "Gusto niyo pa?"

Well, Guess what? Everybody ran frantically near the stage including my friend and I. (Voila! from silver,we were able to reach the gold seat plan!)

Ely and the rest of the bandmembers seem to be enjoying their stint there. And fans love it when they are together. just like before...just like the good old days...

I'm feeling so nostalgic. Wish I could go back in time when pinoy alternative rock was on its finest and there, Eheads dominating the music scenes as well as the other undergound artists.

Things have changed now. We cannot ask for the impossible anymore.

I am just thrilled and so priviledged that I was able to witness their reunion concert again. And this time, it went well...Ely, Raymond and Buddy were so energetic. And of course, Marcus! who could ever forget how funny he was when he sang his own 'Huwag mo nang itanong' (nice version!).

Unfortunately, Buddy wasnt able to let us hear his singing voice..But that's okay, that doesnt discount the fact that we enjoyed everything they've done on stage...and we loovvveee every moment it.

Thanks Eraserheads for again sharing us your time and talents to give us one hell of a great show!

I know, this is the final set already...but perhaps...we could consider a second final set? it does'nt make sense I know..but, hey! you know what I mean...

take care...

My heart cant seem to breathe. This is guilt. I feel such an idiot for thinking that your the villain here. You are not. I am.
You are not even aware that I exist and yet I treated u unfairly. I dont know how to say sorry or at least extend my sympathy.
I know its too late now. Its too late to let you know that I am here for you...That i can be a friend.
I know this is not a good time to talk and be at peace with each other.
But I really care...
Even if you don't know me.Even if I dont know you..personally.
Hope you're doing okay...I know your friends will be there for you, especially him. You need him more than ever. And he should be there for you.
To help you get through this...To at least lighten up the burden...
Take care...



Hope this blog could reach you, but if not..i still wish you well...

and i also hope that this could somehow lighten up the guilt a bit...

bakit

Oo na, alam kong masamang mainggit sa kapwa. Pero hindi naman siguro masamang magtanong at magtaka di ba?

Bakit madali ang buhay para sa iba?
Bakit hindi sila umiiyak?
Bakit lahat ng bagay umaayon sa gusto nila?
Bakit hindi sila nahihirapang makuha yung mga gusto nila?
Bakit ganun? Bakit ganito?

Putek! Bakit ba kasi ganito ang buhay ko?
Parang parati na lang magulo...Laging may kakambal na pighati.
Laging may sablay. Hindi pwedeng steady lang.

Minsan tuloy naiisip ko, siguro hindi ako peyborit ni Lord.
Kasi naman sa bawat saya na nararanasan ko, laging triple ang kapalit na lungkot.
Mabait naman ako eh. Wala naman akong inaagrabyadong tao, hayop o bagay.

Wala naman siguro akong naapakang nuno sa punso nung bata pa ko, noh?..Ü.

Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya. Yun lang.
Mahirap ba yun?

my very first here...

It’s been a while since my last entry with my other blogsite (katmenace.multiply.com) And I mean real entry..not repost or anything. And I kind of miss it. I decided to create a blogsite here so that I could post whatever I feel like posting. Without inhibitions, without hesitations. Without the fear that my officemates or friends might read it. Writing or blogging has always been my therapy. When I’m extremely sad, I blog. If I’m super happy, I blog. This is my domain. This is where I could freely express myself. If blogs or journals were not invented, I might have committed suicide long time ago. I can always keep my feelings to myself and not show it to everybody but never can I keep myself from pouring it into blogsites or journals . I still keep a journal. Yeah! I know it sounds too high school. But I still do. I can say that it’s my most priced possession ever. And you wouldn’t believe that I am on my journal number 4 already. I keep track of everything that’s happening with me, although most of my stories are just the same.

So, what’s new? I’m still me. The drama princess. The pessimist me.
And I am still heavily sedated with issues. But this time, it all came back to me. It’s no longer just me who could tell. I am still into him. And my friends can see that. Wtf! All this time, I tried to hide it but it looks like that that feeling knows how to get across to anyone. Anyone, except him. Well, looks like he's the only one who hasn’t found out yet! Darn! I still feel for him. I'm still head over heels in love. And I am not admitting it to him. Not now. Not ever.

As if I really care. There's a lot of things going on with me right now that I'd rather set it aside. I’m burdened by so much that I can’t even walk straight, not literally of course. I hate to lose my composure, but it’s really hard for me to be strong. It’s hard to fake a smile and act as if nothing’s wrong.

Everything's wrong.
I'm still fighting my way through all of these. I am drowning with problems and responsibilities that I just wanna disappear for a moment. I wanna get back the life that I have always wish I had.

I know I deserve better. Damn! I wish I will be better..in time...